Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
