I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
