i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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