Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just googled if crying burns calories
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
