sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I love having hate sex.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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