Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
