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• (734): View more from Michigan

  i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.

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• (914): View more from New York

  every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"

  (1+61): View more from

  I don't know if I want context or not...

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's amazing

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"

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• (718): View more from New York

  I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Couch. On fire.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.

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