I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
only you would photoshop your dick
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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