I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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