i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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