Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
