am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
