he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
