We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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