You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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