he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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