I must be too annoying 4 u.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
