Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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