my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize