Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
