32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
