I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Houston, we have a squirter
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
