Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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