cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
