to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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