Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
