Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
