So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
