it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
