I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
