yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
