Apparently you make a good broom.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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