we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
