this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
