were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
