Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
