is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
