I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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