his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
