Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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