there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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