He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize