i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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