i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
