I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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