Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
