That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
