Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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