new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
