I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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