I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize