cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
