trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
