had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
