hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
