New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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