I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
