I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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