Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
