Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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