Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize