i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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