my sisters under your porch take her home
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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