meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
