I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize