its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
