Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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