I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My dick has a subreddit
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
