I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
