I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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